I need to stop coming to work sober
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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