he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
