I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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