He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
