Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
