There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The air taste purple.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
