I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
