i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need a beard to bite.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
