I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
