So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
