just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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