i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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