Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
