I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
