I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
