Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
