Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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