I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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