Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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