Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
