She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
