Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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