I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
