My friends, they love my intelligence
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
