sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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