I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
