Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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