I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
