hell yes lets make some ravioli
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
