Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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