His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nicole vs. Life
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
