Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
