everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
