so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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