i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
