If that was your dad, he is hot
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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