Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
