kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
