He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
