Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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