no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
