I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
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