That's when you crack a 10am beer
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
