Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
