Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
