Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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