i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
