She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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