my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
