don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
