I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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