it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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