I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
