We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pants are for mortals
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
