just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
