I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
