I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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