tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
